By: Evelyn Ogutu, The Standard.
We have heard those stories that sound like fiction but have happened to real people.
In most cases, it takes a man to die for the worms to crawl out of the woodwork. A strange woman with children turns up, claiming to be the deceased’s other family, apart from the one known in the village. At that moment, the term matrimonial assumes another dimension since the strange woman claims to have shared another home and children with the man.
Society has continued to allow men in monogamous marriages to commit bigamy and go scot-free. Cases of men solemnising their marriages in church and then marrying again under customary law are on the rise, which has resulted in increased divorce and separation cases.
Agatha Njoki 40 can attest to this. Njoki is a frustrated woman. Her erstwhile blissful marriage spanning two decades suffered a fatal jolt early this year when she found out that her husband had another wife. To add salt to injury, the marriage had been solemnised under customary law and her co-wife sired three children with her husband.
The truth dawned on her one fateful morning when her husband left his cellphone in the bedroom and it registered a text message. It gave her the shock of her life. "The message was from a woman asking my husband to accompany her to visit their 13-year-old son who was a candidate at a Kiambu boarding primary school," says Njoki.
Her first instinct was denial, and that the message had gone to the wrong phone. But something told her it was not a mistake. To avoid a confrontation, Njoki resolved to carry out her own investigations.
So when the weekend reached, her husband informed her that he would travel outside Nairobi on official duties. Her heart lurched since she knew he was guilty as charged.
The distraught 48-year-old mother of four secretly followed her husband to his destination, and sure enough, it turned out to be a primary boarding school. Her husband’s next action deepened her shock. "My husband hugged a woman who was cuddling a baby as they waited to see the son. It was heartbreaking," says Njoki.
She withstood the sight of the other family’s happy reunion and saw her husband dish out goodies to the boy. After her husband and the woman had left, Njoki approached the boy and asked him who the two people were to which he quipped: "They are my parents." If that was not enough, she found out that the boy bore similar names to her first-born, who was named after his paternal grandfather.
It was a rude awakening for primary school teacher, who had never suspected her husband of infidelity, leave alone having another wife. She had wed the man in 1980 in church and thought the ceremony, together with a marriage certificate, were enough insurance for her marriage.
With pain in her heart, she confronted her husband with the damning evidence and the man owned up. Looking sheepish, he offered to introduce the two women! But Njoki felt betrayed not only by her husband but her in-laws as well. Why had they kept their son’s second marriage a secret. Njoki, like what any other woman do, packed her belongings and left her matrimonial home and her children.
As strange as it seems, several women have found themselves in Njoki’s shoes, maybe without as much drama. Some men move in with other women or marry them with the full knowledge of their first wives, and without annulling their first marriages.
Bigamy is the crime of being married to more than one person at the same time. This means that a person marries legally more than once, without seeking the annulment of the previous union.
Contrary to what many think, bigamy is not only committed by men but women as well. Bigamy is a common occurrence and the culprits often go unpunished. Most of them will have said marriage vows in church or at the Attorney-General’s Chamber, both of which recognise the marriage of one man to one woman and vice-versa.
Most men, who want to take on second wives but are bound by their first marriages, opt to cement their new unions through traditional customs, like Njoki’s husband. Some formalise their new marriages at the Attorney-General’s Chamber secretly, leaving many women confused on the legality of the marriage certificates they hold.
Though local courts are lenient on bigamy, the practice is an offence under Kenyan laws and carries a jail sentence of up to five years without the option of a fine. While in the West people have been jailed for up to five years for the offence, no one in Kenya has served a similar sentence.
Most get off with light fines or probatory sentences. One such case was in 2001. Mr Simon Peter Gaita, aged 61 then, pleaded guilty to marrying a second wife without renouncing an existing first marriage. A Nyeri court handed him a light fine of Sh5,000 or a one-year jail sentence.
Gaita had married Jane Njeri on February 1999, at the Attorney-General’s office in Nyeri. But his first marriage to Cecilia Gathoni, which was solemnised Ngandu Catholic Church in Nyeri, was still in existence.
In the same year, a Machakos court convicted a retired civil servant of bigamy but placed him on a two-year probation. In 2003, a 43-year-old woman sued her husband aged 75 for bigamy after he married their househelp, aged 30, in Kiambu.
Interestingly, Islam allows polygamy for a man but if a married woman enters into another union with a different man, her husband can sue her for bigamy in the Chief Kadhi’s court.
Then there was the stranger-than-fiction story highlighted by the press in 2003 about a woman in Busia who was married to two men. Mary Chuma, aged 74 then, was married to two men and the three were living in the same house, in Butula division! She had five children with one man and three with the other.
It was not clear whether hers was a case of bigamy or polygamy.
Some people argue that polygamy was a way of life in the traditional African society but the White man upset this when he introduced monogamy through religion. Maybe that is why most people, especially men, are unable to break the habit. Previously activists have pushed for the Government to legalise bigamy, arguing that polygamy is widely accepted and nobody gets punished for it.
So should you just sit pretty as your husband brings another woman, most likely 20 years your junior, into your home, to enjoy the money and property you painstakingly accumulated from the ashes with him?
Another question that often arises is of succession and inheritance. Can a man comfortably cater for two families especially in these times of hardship? Is it possible for the two families to agree?
Children are also bound to suffer more since the women incite their husband against each other and he might be swayed to one side, thus neglecting one family. What of marriage vows, are they no longer relevant?
The Church says there is no two ways about it. Bishop Cornelius, Korir of the Eldoret Catholic Diocese, says once somebody weds in church, a second marriage is not acceptable. "The Bible states clearly that there should be one husband for one wife and nobody should come between the two," he says. In most cases, the Church allows someone to marry if their spouse dies. It is even reluctant to wed divorcees although the law allows divorcees to remarry.
Under the African Christian Marriage and Divorce Act, if a man marries a wife under customary law, he cannot marry another under statute, but he can do so under the traditional way.
Mr Wahome Gikonyo, a Nyeri-based lawyer, says anyone who, before or after a statutory marriage, marries someone else under customary law is guilty of bigamy. Gikonyo says most women have given their husbands a leeway to marry as many wives as they wish since they shy away from reporting the men, for fear of being scorned by the society.
Gikonyo adds that prosecutions for bigamy are rare since most women do not know of such provisions. "Most women opt to walk out of the marriage, leaving their husbands to the other woman. They should instead sue the man for bigamy," he says.
But the lawyer admits that it is hard to establish whether your partner has married another woman as this is often a carefully guarded secret. "Many men commit bigamy but this only comes out when the man dies, and the other wife and children surface to demand a share of his property," he says.
Unfortunately, the Succession Act supports "the other woman" as long as she can prove that she was a dependant of the deceased.
Janet Adhiambo concurs that sometimes it is hard to tell that your husband is running a parallel home. Adhiambo, who left her husband after falling victim to bigamy, adds that long-distance relationships encourage the trend.
"If the man is working in another town or country, he will most likely take up another wife and sire children with her, even if he has a first wife," she says.
Lucy Gakobo, who is married, says wives should snoop on their husbands’ cell phones to know what they are up to. "Women should be suspicious when their husbands forbid them from visiting them if they do not stay together, or if they tell the wife to warn them of their visit beforehand," says the mother of one. Gikonyo also faults Section 171 of the Penal Code, which, he says is obsolete and should be amended.
"If a man marries a woman under customary law, he is allowed to marry up to 100 more since the law recognises polygamy in this case. We should amend this section," he says.
Lucy will hear none of the claims that men are naturally polygamous or promiscuous, depending on how you want to look at it. "If a man is of sound mind and clearly knows that a Christian wedding or civil marriage does not allow bigamy, he has no business wedding in church, only to later disappoint his wife by bringing home another stranger claiming to be his wife," she says.
Lucy says men should openly discuss with the women they are courting the marriage arrangement they should enter, so the women can be prepared for any eventuality.
"Muslims have no problem with polygamy because their religion allows the practice," she says.
Lucy says society should decide whether to revert to the customary law once and for all, instead of pretending to support monogamous marriages.
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